What does this mean?

Until recently,  everytime bunny rabbit asked for his dad in my presence..i asked myself- what does this mean? You see,i was completely convinced that aari should be asking for his dad  only and only if he did not get what he wanted from me.. after all i was the primary care-giver. I was the one who was spending 24/7 with bumble bee looking after his every need.. knowing what each tear meant … which fall actually hurt.. if he was hungry,thirsty or just looking for some attention..of course the Mister was just as involved but being the bread-winner meant he couldn’t spend all day with him even if he wanted to.

So yes, for the life of me i could not figure out why he wanted his dad when i was around.. there have been days when aari has woken up from his nap asking for dadda and every time he did that my heart broke a little.Every time we were out and bunny asked for his dada or played with him, it broke a little more.. Was i failing as a mother? Would society  deem me a failure?

This insecurity went upto a point where i finally called Mister up and bawled my eyes out.Bear in mind – the mister feels bunny rabbit is a complete momma’s boy and that dadda is just his play toy. So he basically thought i had lost my nuts. I proceeded to ‘ping’ my clan to pour out my woes. One was sweet enough to listen to it for a while but ultimately the both of them asked me to shut the hell up too.

Of course it didnt help when people tried to rub it in either.

I was so blinded by this self-criticism that i really believed that he probably did not need me except when he wanted to nurse. The reality was that every time bunny hurt himself or wasn’t feeling well or was hungry or basically not himself,he would call out for me. Everytime i returned home after an outing that did not include him, he would run to me and give me a bear hug (though he would instantly ask for a feed.. like i am his personalised vending machine and nothing else!!)But I only noted the times he asked for his dadda.

Eventually i realised that none of these really matter, does it. He doesn’t have to be a momma’s boy  in order to consider myself a successful parent. He can totally want the both of us equally. There is no harm in that is there? As long as i am there for him,doing everything that is humanly possible to keep him happy,healthy,well-fed and well mannered,does it really matter? He will have his mommy days and his daddy days and his ‘i hate my parents’ days but as long as every day(not every hour though!) is armin day for me,it really doesn’t matter.

So today when he was running around the park calling out for his dada  n then wanting his momma the moment he had a fall ( he refused to go to dadda*victory dance*)..i knew i was on the right path.( while secretly praying that he will always be momma’s boy😉)

TAGS: parenting,mommyhood,hacks,writing,toddlerlife,zerotohero

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