Abhorrence, agitation, angst, anxiety, aversion,chickenheartedness, cold feet, cold sweat, concern, cowardice, creeps, despair, discomposure, dismay, distress, doubt, dread, faintheartedness, foreboding, fright, horror, jitters, misgiving, nightmare, panic, phobia, terror, timidity, trembling, tremor, trepidation, unease, uneasiness, worry- Wikipedia’s synonyms for fear.

Also, exactly what i went through last night. And for what?Purely fictional scenarios that have been playing inside my head.

We have a short trip planned next month..to meet the needs of a wedding marathon that is to happen mid-year.  Unlike all my other trips where i have experienced only excitement.. this one is different. I cannot but think of all the worst case scenarios that could possibly  happen ..you see,in my mind these nightmares are a reality that has already happened- hence the hyperventilation!!

What if he wanders off too far, what if i let my guard down for a minute, what if i get distracted, what if he leaves my hand in a crowd, what if he doesnt want me to carry him, what if he decides to run ahead, what if someone tries to woo him with chocolate, what if somebody snatches him from me, what if he falls sick, what if he hurts himself what if what if what if…

This led to me frantically texting my 2 AM clan looking for some relief,some answer,some positivity .. anything that would give me some peace. Before which i scared the crap out of the peacfully sitting Mister by my frenzied speech and actions.. yet the heartbeat refused to slow down.

Whoever said deep breathing helps relax your mind clearly does not have kids!!

End result:zombified,sleep-deprived and a massive headache. I need coffee.